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Null is feeling awfully:

The current mood of Null at www.imood.com

.: Critical Information :.

My Profile if you don't want to read it here of course.

Name:      Adam
Age:         22
Sex:         Male
Location: North Carolina

.: Common Knowlege :.

     Well, aside from what you already may know about me, I'm currently a Senior at Campbell University. It's just south of Raleigh, NC. It's a relatively small school, but I manage. I'm a Computer Information Systems (BBA.CIS) major. With that, you might guess that Computers is what I'm mostly into. That's partly it. I'm starting to like programming, and I hate Computers when they're not working, as I'm sure the rest of you do. What I really like doing is working on the hardware side of Computers. Chipsets and whatnot. Networking is what I hope to get into one day. Building and managing corporate networks is one of the things that would make me happy. If I had to give up a life of computers though, I'd want to be a test pilot or driver, or composer. Yeah, wide gambit of interests, I know. I've made a few songs though, and I'd love to get a pilot's liscense...

.: Daily Joke :.

So this trucker is driving through Alabama hauling a load of black bowling balls. While on the way two black kids are trying to hitch a ride and one of them has a bike.

He pulls over and tells them they can have a ride but they have to hop in the trailer since picking up hitch hikers is illegal so they jump in the trailer.

As he gets to the Florida border he goes to the weigh station in which one of the deputies says "hey do you mind if I inspect your cargo?"

The trucker says "sure".......only he just remembers that the kids are still in the back, hoping the cop won't notice.

All of a sudden the deputy runs back, screams to the driver ''TURN AROUND!!! TURN AROUND NOW!!!!!!".....the driver in a panic does.

After hearing the screaming the Sheriff walks over and asks the deputy "WTF was that all about?" To which the deputy replies "That guy was carrying a truck full of nigger eggs, two of them hatched and one already stole a bike!"

.: /Transmisison :.

You are Form 7,
Gryphon: The Wyrm.

"And The Gryphon displaced the balance of the world in his favor. With grace and control, Gryphon deceived mankind and ruled over civillization. But even he realized that all good things must come to an end."

Some examples of the Gryphon Form are Satan (Christian) and Baphomet (Assyrian). The Gryphon is associated with the concept of control, the number 7, and the element of wind. His sign is the gibbous moon.

As a member of Form 7, you are a very in control individual. You maintain your coolness in most situations and always seem to be prepared. Though some may say you are a bit of a control freak, you know that you really do make the best leader even if others can't see it. Gryphons are the best friends to have because they have a positive influence on people.

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I just dont understand it. I really dont. The fact is, I miss her. Just when I think I'm over her this feeling comes back. I dunno, maybe this is just a phase. After that dream I had, and what I did to her in it, I hope this is just a phase. That shit really freaked me out. It still does. I can still see her face...

My dreams this summer have been fucked up. Moreso than usual. I think this is the first time I've ever talked about my dreams, but I figure I should just get it out there since I've been thinking about these particular three ever since I had them. The first is a dream that I cant remember what it was about, or who was in it, all I can remember about it is that everything was yellow. I need to find out what the color yellow signifies in a dream. Need to talk to Cat about that I guess... anyway. This second dream is like an ongoing one. There's this girl in them and she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen... only I've never seen her before. I dont know her name or anything, and I've never seen her before in real life. I have no idea how my mind managed to create her, and to top it off she's a blonde. My dream girl is a blonde? I've always wanted a brunette though... lol. It's crazy though 'cause she just shows up in my dreams, and it's been happening regularly since about June. Maybe a little earlier. The third dream... *sigh* I kill Amanda. It's up close and personal too, I stab her to death, and I can still remember her face and how I was feeling. I remember trying to calm her down and she's looking at me with pleading eyes... and the worst part about it was that I was scared shitless, but only because I was trying to figure out what to do with the body afterwards. You know, so I wouldnt get caught by the police. I wasnt thinking about "hey, you just killed Amanda!" I wasnt thinking anything about her, it was just selfishness inside me. I had it a few nights before the last time I saw her. What did that dream mean? Does it mean she's dead to me? Regardless of what I started saying at the begining of this post about missing her, I do feel free. My heart still longs for her, but it longs for love and that's not what she had to offer, and that's up to her... When I get any bit of time to just sit there and think to myself it's always of her, but when I get past all the feelings of missing her, I do feel free. Like, now I can just worry about myself and I dont have to worry about taking care of anyone but myself. I havent been able to feel that in years. I do miss her though, and I refuse to believe that dream meant that she's dead to me. I was telling CJ the other day that I'm a fucking idiot because I know that if she were talk walk into my room and tell me she loves me, even now, I would believe her. Even though in my heart I would know it wasnt true. CJ knows this situation all too well. I never thought I'd be in the shit with him though. Maybe I should just move away after college and leave all of this behind me. Start over...


[ Song ] .:Mr. Mister - Broken Wings:.

Posted at 02:21 pm by Null

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