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Null is feeling awfully:

The current mood of Null at www.imood.com

.: Critical Information :.

My Profile if you don't want to read it here of course.

Name:      Adam
Age:         22
Sex:         Male
Location: North Carolina

.: Common Knowlege :.

     Well, aside from what you already may know about me, I'm currently a Senior at Campbell University. It's just south of Raleigh, NC. It's a relatively small school, but I manage. I'm a Computer Information Systems (BBA.CIS) major. With that, you might guess that Computers is what I'm mostly into. That's partly it. I'm starting to like programming, and I hate Computers when they're not working, as I'm sure the rest of you do. What I really like doing is working on the hardware side of Computers. Chipsets and whatnot. Networking is what I hope to get into one day. Building and managing corporate networks is one of the things that would make me happy. If I had to give up a life of computers though, I'd want to be a test pilot or driver, or composer. Yeah, wide gambit of interests, I know. I've made a few songs though, and I'd love to get a pilot's liscense...

.: Daily Joke :.

So this trucker is driving through Alabama hauling a load of black bowling balls. While on the way two black kids are trying to hitch a ride and one of them has a bike.

He pulls over and tells them they can have a ride but they have to hop in the trailer since picking up hitch hikers is illegal so they jump in the trailer.

As he gets to the Florida border he goes to the weigh station in which one of the deputies says "hey do you mind if I inspect your cargo?"

The trucker says "sure".......only he just remembers that the kids are still in the back, hoping the cop won't notice.

All of a sudden the deputy runs back, screams to the driver ''TURN AROUND!!! TURN AROUND NOW!!!!!!".....the driver in a panic does.

After hearing the screaming the Sheriff walks over and asks the deputy "WTF was that all about?" To which the deputy replies "That guy was carrying a truck full of nigger eggs, two of them hatched and one already stole a bike!"

.: /Transmisison :.

You are Form 7,
Gryphon: The Wyrm.

"And The Gryphon displaced the balance of the world in his favor. With grace and control, Gryphon deceived mankind and ruled over civillization. But even he realized that all good things must come to an end."

Some examples of the Gryphon Form are Satan (Christian) and Baphomet (Assyrian). The Gryphon is associated with the concept of control, the number 7, and the element of wind. His sign is the gibbous moon.

As a member of Form 7, you are a very in control individual. You maintain your coolness in most situations and always seem to be prepared. Though some may say you are a bit of a control freak, you know that you really do make the best leader even if others can't see it. Gryphons are the best friends to have because they have a positive influence on people.

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I just dont understand it. I really dont. The fact is, I miss her. Just when I think I'm over her this feeling comes back. I dunno, maybe this is just a phase. After that dream I had, and what I did to her in it, I hope this is just a phase. That shit really freaked me out. It still does. I can still see her face...

My dreams this summer have been fucked up. Moreso than usual. I think this is the first time I've ever talked about my dreams, but I figure I should just get it out there since I've been thinking about these particular three ever since I had them. The first is a dream that I cant remember what it was about, or who was in it, all I can remember about it is that everything was yellow. I need to find out what the color yellow signifies in a dream. Need to talk to Cat about that I guess... anyway. This second dream is like an ongoing one. There's this girl in them and she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen... only I've never seen her before. I dont know her name or anything, and I've never seen her before in real life. I have no idea how my mind managed to create her, and to top it off she's a blonde. My dream girl is a blonde? I've always wanted a brunette though... lol. It's crazy though 'cause she just shows up in my dreams, and it's been happening regularly since about June. Maybe a little earlier. The third dream... *sigh* I kill Amanda. It's up close and personal too, I stab her to death, and I can still remember her face and how I was feeling. I remember trying to calm her down and she's looking at me with pleading eyes... and the worst part about it was that I was scared shitless, but only because I was trying to figure out what to do with the body afterwards. You know, so I wouldnt get caught by the police. I wasnt thinking about "hey, you just killed Amanda!" I wasnt thinking anything about her, it was just selfishness inside me. I had it a few nights before the last time I saw her. What did that dream mean? Does it mean she's dead to me? Regardless of what I started saying at the begining of this post about missing her, I do feel free. My heart still longs for her, but it longs for love and that's not what she had to offer, and that's up to her... When I get any bit of time to just sit there and think to myself it's always of her, but when I get past all the feelings of missing her, I do feel free. Like, now I can just worry about myself and I dont have to worry about taking care of anyone but myself. I havent been able to feel that in years. I do miss her though, and I refuse to believe that dream meant that she's dead to me. I was telling CJ the other day that I'm a fucking idiot because I know that if she were talk walk into my room and tell me she loves me, even now, I would believe her. Even though in my heart I would know it wasnt true. CJ knows this situation all too well. I never thought I'd be in the shit with him though. Maybe I should just move away after college and leave all of this behind me. Start over...


[ Song ] .:Mr. Mister - Broken Wings:.

Posted at 02:21 pm by Null
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Tuesday, August 08, 2006
In Other News...

The reason in the last post may be a little misunderstood. Let me clear things up. Amanda used to always tell me "well, I dont want this to turn into the Karlyn/CJ thing, and I dont want to treat you like she does CJ." I had told her that I'm not like CJ is, if (Read: when) she started treating me like that, I would be gone. Well, that's what happened. It hurts the fuck outta me, but I know I dont deserve to be strung along like some dog, and sorry ladies but I'm not a love slave. Especially to a girl that doesnt understand my feelings one bit.

Anyway, in other news, I found out today that all the comotion next door yesterday from the police was because the woman was murdered. They say it was a suicide, but my mom and I don think so, women dont normally shoot themselves as a means of suicide. It pisses me off though. Just the other day I was out washing my car and talking with her when her dog had run into our yard and I was helping her round him up. She was a nice lady. I was scared yesterday when I heard that something happened over there because all summer I've noticed that every other weekend there are two children, a little boy and a little girl, that play out in their back yard. I was worried maybe something had happened to them. I guess they're not ok if their mother/stepmother is dead... man, and I fucking talked to her the other day too...

Last night was pretty fun. Went over to CJ's after I ate dinner and hung out with him and his mom and sister. They just got back from the beach. I was just talkin with them all while they ate, waiting for CJ to get done so we could go out to Outback and see if Lauren wanted to go do something. (I called you twice woman! Pickup next time!) We went out there only to find that she wasnt working. There was a bit of confusion at first though, the other girls working were thinking she worked at the Battleground Outback. They finally found out I was at the right place, lol. CJ knows one of the girls that works there so we just hung out and talked for a bit, then headed out. Cruised over to UNCG to hang out, since CJ was saying they moved back yesterday. Plenty of hotties... mmm and NYP was loaded with people, it was great. After that we just went driving, trying to get lost. We've been trying to get ourselves lost for 3 years and we can never do it. We take random turns, go down dirt roads, we even ended up in Virginia, and STILL ended up back on either 62 or my street, which cuts all the way through the county. We pretty much know every backroad and driveway in central NC by now. It's useful to know, I suppose lol.

Oh another thing. My sister and I have like... grown really close this summer. She's one of my best friends now. It's fuckin awesome. Now I always have someone to talk to and hang out with lol. It's just gonna suck when I go back to school and have to leave her here.

I guess that's all I feel like talking about now. I'll pick up later.


[ Song ] .:Sub Dub Micromachine - Renegades:.

Posted at 02:17 pm by Null
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Monday, August 07, 2006
Point, Counterpoint.

Well, the summer is almost over, and I cant wait to get back to school. It started out ok, but I guess... I dunno, just didnt pan out the way I had hoped. The good news is, I'm over Amanda. It took a while, but I've finally just gotten tired of her shit, ya know? It started way back a few months when we were fooling around and she just blurted out "do you still love me" which killed the mood, 'cause I know she doesnt give a damn about me, and never has. It was then that I realised why she keeps me around. I felt it again when I went to carrowinds with her and her family. I fucking hated it... I mean, I had fun on the rides and shit, but I felt like I didnt belong, and I knew I didnt. The last night that I spent with them on that trip I didnt get a bit of sleep. I laid there all night thinking about all this, all that's come and gone. I dont even know if I can even get it all down in here. There's just so much that I feel.

Another point that I felt I was getting over her was when Andy was over at my house hanging out and we were just talking, 'cause he couldnt stay very long, but he was telling me to just move on. I remember him asking me "You can do better, right?" and without thinking I just said "oh yeah" and I mean it wasnt some macho bullshit or anything, it's the truth. The other day I was out with CJ and he was laying it on me about the whole Karlyn thing... lol and he mentioned to me that she had said a while back she didnt think the relationship would work out because "Amanda's an idiot... and Adam well... isnt." I dunno why I got so broken up over what happened. I know it was because I loved her, but maybe I was broken up because of all the time I had put into the relationship. All the money... Even afterwards when she and I would go out I would still pay. I havent had a job in a while, but I would still pay. I was always there when she needed me, but I've never felt that in return from her. Not ever. Back when she and I were together there were nights when I'd be up... my heart broken just as it was in February, but not because we split up, but because I just wanted to feel special, I just wanted to feel loved. I wanted to belong, and I really dont think that was too much to ask. All the other relationshiops that I've been in... I come out of them with something gained. This one though... I dont feel like I came out of it any better off than when I went in. Shit, I didnt even go into it planning on staying. It was a spur of the moment thing, and I took an opportunity as it presented itself. It's my own damn fault I fell in love along the way. That love, I have a feeling, was blinded even further by my need to be loved. Just like I was saying about wanting to belong. It's like I cant see the forest for the trees. When I needed friends and family, they've always been there for me. I dunno, some psychologist would probably tell me that it was because my parents never told me they loved me when I was a kid. Maybe that's the case, I dunno. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I havent talked to her in like a week... and last time I talked to her was the only time for a week or so then too. Last time I was at her house I wanted to just fucking hit her. All the pinching, and scratching, and picking, and picking, and picking... God... why did I put up with that for so long? I finally just had enough, so I left. I didn't want to talk to her anymore after that, and even now... I still dont want to talk to her until she has something more to offer than being so god damned annoying. My sister and I were talking about that the other day. Everybody around me has been so tolerant it seems, but... was she really that bad? I really didnt see it. I put up with all of that... I guess it's cause I'm good with kids or something, or maybe because I get this tolerance from my dad, and I was just zoned out for the past two years, I dunno. Why did I get myself into this mess? Back when I first was getting to know Amanda... well, actually it was like the 2nd night I was spending at CJ's house, she had said something to me ( I cant remember what it was ) but I called Amanda by some other name. I cant remember what I said, just some random bitch's name, but the point is- I really fucked up. I should have just cooled out after Cathy and I broke up, and just had some time to myself to regroup. I wasnt ready to fall in love, and maybe I'm still not. I need to find the right woman, heh... *woman* and stop trying to find love, especially with girls much younger than I. I think now I know how Cathy felt though, and maybe this is karma come to repay me. I dont think I ever really loved Cathy, but I know she loved me with all of her being, and I hope I find a girl that will feel that way about me again, and hopefully I'll feel the same way about her. I just need to take that first step, and hang out with girls my age, and intellectual level... and someone I can just generally be happy with.

I've got more to say, about this matter and about other stuff that's been going on this summer but I think I'll leave it at that for now. Besides... a storm is coming in. I'll continue later. Heh, this song really fits what I'm feeling.


I forgot to mention something. About the last time she called me. She calls me up just to talk about how she's going out clubbing a few days from then, and then she was talking about her night clubbing the night before or something like that. Anyway, she starts telling me about the guys hitting on her and shes like "but dont worry, I didnt like any of them... blah blah blah" She always says that shit after she's told me that she was hanging out with some guys. It's like she's trying to make me jealous or something. Fucking grow up, damn. After she had said that to me I just laughed and said "I dont care" and she was just like "...oh" Were you expecting me to get jealous or something? Jealous of what? All you do when we hang out is you do your best to try to piss me off and then laugh and go "I only hang out with you to try to aggrivate you" or after I tell you to lay off the pinching you say "they're just love taps" Well, first of all, you have to love someone to give them 'love taps' and treating friends like shit will only leave you with very few friends. Pfft, fuck her feelings. After being lied to for so long, especially when that lie is "I love you" dont expect me to feel sorry for her.


[ Song ] .:Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache:.

Posted at 05:08 pm by Null
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Learn Chinese!

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

English - Chinese (Read them outloud)

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao

Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing

Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King

You are not very bright - Yu So Dum

I got this for free - Ai No Pei

I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao

They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight - Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka

Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?


[ Song ] .:Violent Work of Art - Reasons to Hate:.

Posted at 01:50 pm by Null
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Will We Have To Fight For Our Internet

In case you missed the signposts, you have now entered the bad part of the internet. The people here don't want to be your friend, we are not here to listen to you whine, we could give two shits about your opinion, and if you don't have thick skin, we may just send you home crying. This is far from MySpace, so check your souls and all your tears at the door. Things like that do not belong here.

We are the worst society has to offer. Don't get it twisted, were not criminals or thugs. Most of us have respectable jobs and lead nice, normal lives. However, who we are during the daylight hours makes no difference here. As soon as we get home and log on, we become entirely different people. We are the ruthless, uncaring masses. We are the pirates of the true final frontier. We are the future of freedom in this world. And there are millions of us.

This is our playground. This is where we pWnz. Get off your tricycle and you might just get robbed and beaten. Not even the largest of corporations can handle us here. This is our battlefield. Our home court. Our universe. We make our own rules and enforce them ourselves. Cross the wrong one of us and the nice little black box you paid a grand for just might not work tomorrow.

We were all n00bs once. We all learned the hard way not to click random links, usually via tubgirl or lemonparty. We also learned that everything here is free and there is no need to pay for anything. We have all became something different through our activities on the web. We have been chewed up, spit out, and reborn. Chuck Palahniuk's uses of the metaphors "wad of cookie dough" and "carved from wood" is truer no where else than it is here.

We are the biggest sleeping giant this world has ever seen. While it is true that none of us can ever fully agree on any one thing, we are still united. All it takes is the catalyst. All we need is our great cause, that small noise in the night that awakens us all. All they have to do is keeping fucking with our online freedoms.

It's coming, folks. I can see it just over the horizon. Corporations keep pushing us further and further each and every day. The storm is brewing. The kettle is about to blow. The next world war will be fought online. When it finally happens, we, the underbelly of the internet, will be the ones called upon to fight, and we will come out swinging. The battle will rage until it is finally over and we stand victorious.

Twenty years from now, when we see our grandkids online calling each other names and arguing stupid points, that is when it will all be worth it. That is when we will see the real fruits of our fight to protect our freedoms. That, my fellow pirate ninjas of the World Wide Web, is the real reason why we are here. Not only to create our future, but to preserve it for generations of assholes to come.

Welcome to web 3.0. Things might get a bit hairy. Most of us can't wait

I can't remember where I read that article, but I found it saved on my computer and figured I'd post it here. I love that article. I've seen way too much in the media and what-have-you that do nothing but spew bullshit about the Information Age. All of the p2p is illegal nonsense, all of this "buy our program to log all of your kid's email messages!" in an attempt to keep them from online predators. It's bullshit. People dont know what they're dealing with and the government is starting to step on a lot of toes now that they violate the telecom act. To make things worse, the American people cannot bring class action suit against its OWN GOVERNMENT even though it's clearly broken the law. There was a shitty game that came out for the Playstation a long time ago called Eagle One: Harrier Attack. The enemy in the game called themselves the "Army of the New Millennium" in which hackers took over the American grid and shut down power, water, etc. They then fortified themselves on the Hawaiian islands. Every time I hear about the new world war being fought online I think of the ANM. We're not too far off from all out war. I'd gladly take up arms. The War has already been going on since computers have been around. The constant power struggle between the Black Hats and White Hats.

I'll gladly take up arms.


[ Song ] .:Dope - Debonaire:.

Posted at 03:35 pm by Null
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